You're undoubtedly constantly told that you might be having better sex, orgasm, or relationships. But how often do you hear the specifics on how to better comprehend your innermost wants and most uncomfortable inquiries — even something as basic as how to kiss someone properly?


Even if you believe you're fairly good at it (or think you are), there's almost always something new you can learn about making out. And the fact that you want to broaden your horizons is a fantastic place to begin. Vanessa Marin, a professional sex psychotherapist, tells Bustle, "So many people neglect to kiss, especially once they've moved on to other 'bases."However, kissing is a crazy amount of joy and is well worth your time and effort."


Not only that, but it also aids in the development of relationships. According to a 2020 study published in the journal Sexual and Relationship Therapy, kissing frequency is a major indication of relationship connectedness. As a result, the more kisses you exchange, the happier you and your spouse will be in your relationship. It's "very crucial to intimacy, foreplay, and attraction in general," as Marin puts it. With that in mind, here are eight expert-recommended methods to improve your kissing skills, since we could all use a kissing refresher!

When kissing, take your time.

try taking time cause you won't want to be too fast so as he or she can know that you ain't amateur
According to Marin, the greatest advice is to take it slow and easy with each kiss. If you're worried about your kissing talents, it's probable that you'll speed through it. However, no one enjoys kissing someone who is jittery and erratic.

According to sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure, the most important thing is that you're present in the situation and paying attention to what feels right in the moment with someone. According to Amy Levine of Bustle, "It's about being there and connecting," she adds. "It's the ideal approach to say, 'I'm right here with you.'"

If you're still feeling disoriented and scared (hey, it happens), remember that the finest kisses are generally calm and sensuous, according to Marin. So, if you find yourself pecking away, remember to take it slow and steady until you feel yourself settling down and getting into the swing of things. 

Apply the proper amount of pressure.

According to Marin, one of the most common ways individuals botch up kissing is by applying excessive pressure. Some people kiss excessively hard and end up grinding their teeth, forcing their partner backwards, or coming across as hostile. Others are hesitant and frightened, and their kisses are lifeless as a result.

Consider handshakes: it's odd when someone squeezes your hand too hard, and it's disturbing when someone gives you a weak handshake. Marin says that you should apply pressure, but not too much, and land in the center.

"Practicing on the fleshy top portion of your hand where your index finger meets your thumb might mirror the sensation your partner is experiencing," Levine explains. “Kiss this region and see what speaks to you the loudest.”

That should be enough for a simple kiss. It's also a good idea to remember that any excellent makeout session involves a variety of kissing styles. It's possible that you'll start with a gentle touch, as when you first kiss and then press in harder as things heat up. It's all about being able to interpret the situation. "Some individuals want lips that are relaxed, strong, or even broad and soft," Levine adds. "Once you've figured out a few techniques, you may practice with your partner."

Make Good Use of Your Tongue

Another typical feature of "poor" kissing is the excessive use of the tongue. Marin advises that when you initially start kissing someone, you keep your tongue out of it until things grow more heated. Focus on all the many ways you can kiss with only your lips, such as keeping your mouth closed, gently opening it, interweaving your lips with your partner's, pouting your lips, and so on. Kissing is all about the lips first, according to Levine. "You can figure out tongue motions once you've mastered pressure and lip technique."

When it's time to add some tongue, go easy on it. Because your tongue is such a powerful muscle, you must exercise caution when using it. At start, just lightly touch your tongue to your partner's. Marin suggests imagining your tongues gently stroking each other.

Avoid jabbing your spouse with your tongue like a "darting serpent tongue," as Levine puts it, and avoid putting too much of your tongue into their mouth. Just a few soft strokes. “Be sensual,” Levine advises. "In the heat of the moment, it may be more emotional and robust, and that's OK."

Marin recommends practicing on the back of your hand if you're having trouble kissing and using your tongue. Just to check how strong your tongue is, give your hand a solid punch with your tongue (you might be surprised). Then experiment with different tongue movements across your skin. It can seem strange to "practice" on your hand, but it's a great way to acquire a feel for how things feel.

Get Your Entire Body Into It

Kisses that involve your entire body, not just your lips, are the best! While kissing on the lips is a great place to start, keep in mind that the lips aren't the only erogenous zone on the body. Erogenous zones are areas on the body that have been scientifically proven to be sexually arousing when touched. “Caress your partner's hair and face with your hands,” Levine advises. "Match the kiss to the situation: soft for a tender kiss, harder for a more intense one."

Wrap your arms around your partner or use your hands to stroke their arms, shoulders, and back. Your body should be pressed up against theirs. Put your hands on their faces or run your fingers through their hair. Marin recommends taking little breaks from kissing their lips to kiss their neck or ears. Use your body to add some variety to your routine — the possibilities are virtually limitless.

Between Kisses, Be a Tease

It's a lot of fun to tease your lover in between kisses. Pulling your lips apart and softly touch their bottom lip with your thumb, for example, is a seductive move, according to Marin. As Heather M. Claus, the creator of DatingKinky, recently told Bustle, breaking away from the kiss and staring your partner in the eye with a sneaky smirk on your face may be a flirtatious method to evaluate if they're also into it.

Claus explained, "I have a particular trick that has always worked for me." “Pull back just a smidgeon. It's not even a half-inch difference. Your companion is having a good time if he or she follows you around or pounces on you. You can attempt this a few of times during the evening, but don't make it a game."

And, strange as it may seem, breathing is also a part of kissing. Marin suggests breathing in and out jointly, or breathing in through your nose, with your slightly open lips near to theirs. Brushing your lips against your partner's without kissing them is another option.

Adapt Your Approach

You may practice kissing methods all you want, but the fact is that each person's kissing style is distinct, thus finding out how to kiss them will be different as well. Pay attention to what your spouse is doing and what they appear to respond to the most while you're kissing them. "Kissing is similar to dancing in that one person leads and the other follows," Levine explains. "If you put what you've learned into practice, watch how your partner reacts and make adjustments as needed to stay in rhythm."

Is their tongue moving extremely slowly? Do they make a little groan when you bite their bottom lip? Use these cues to tailor your kissing to their needs, and be flexible. If you're not sure what your spouse enjoys, ask them what they do enjoy and then go with their recommendation. You'll know precisely what they're searching for this way. "You have to learn how to dance as a team," Levine adds. “You fit the music, no matter what it is.”